Everybody lies
First real step towards making any progress in life is absolute honesty. And I don’t mean not lying to other people, although that itself helps too. I mean not lying to yourself. I mean staying true to your own word, a promise that you keep to yourself.
Lies
Everybody lies to get what they want.
Even small kids learn very early in life that by lying they can get what they want with less effort than they would otherwise need to put in to achieve the same outcome.
In all cases, the definition remains the same: trying to twist the fabric of reality as a shortcut toward an undeserved outcome. It often works in the short term, and that is exactly why people keep doing it. But eventually reality catches up. Sooner or later, results expose the truth.
And what happens once you expose a liar?
Well, you stop trusting them, that is for sure. You also start avoiding them. You stop inviting them into important parts of your life. You simply do not want to have much to do with them anymore. And rightfully so.
But then there is another type of lie, and it is far more dangerous. You promise yourself that you are going to do something and then you do not do it. So what? Nobody knew. Nothing happened, right?
Well, the thing is – you know.
It does not matter what you tell other people. You know you broke a contract with yourself, and that undermines your self-trust. The next time, breaking that contract becomes a little bit easier.
And if you repeat this long enough, you will stop trusting yourself altogether. You no longer feel bad when you break promises to yourself, and soon this becomes your default. You will not even make contracts with yourself anymore.
After that, your life only gets darker day by day. You stop making promises to yourself altogether. You forget how it even feels to be happy with yourself after achieving even a tiny goal. Then you stop setting goals completely. It does not matter whether those goals are big or small.
The Consequence
You stop trusting yourself completely.
It does not matter that nobody else knows, because you never told anyone. What matters is that you do know, because you made the promise to yourself. And you know for sure that you did not keep your own word.
And that is the real problem. You know you cannot trust the one person you can never get away from – yourself. So why even bother, right? Why set goals? Why make plans? Why should you even try?
The reason is that you stop playing meaningful games in life because you already expect yourself to quit before you even start. And in the process, you slowly give up on the game of life itself. Maybe even subconsciously.
Truth
Most people lie from time to time. That is simply the reality you have to accept.
But when dealing with yourself, honesty is non-negotiable. If you want to move forward, there is no other option.
Sometimes the truth hurts. But look at your own life and answer one question:
When you faced a hard truth with your head up, did you feel better or worse than when you tried to hide from it?
You do not have to answer me – answer to yourself.
It takes courage to speak truthfully about your shortcomings. And even more so to tell others.
The funny thing is that other people will often respect you more after you do so. Partly because they fight the same demons as you do, but mostly because they do not have the courage to do it themselves.
So before doing anything else, I want to make one thing crystal clear:
Only the truth will set you free in the long run.
You have to look at your situation with as much honesty as possible.
You have to follow through on the promises you make to yourself as often as you can.
Without that, nothing else in this series will work.
And nothing will ever change.
Action Step
Start paying attention to the promises you make to yourself. Nothing more.
Just observe how you navigate your own self-talk. Observe without judgment.
Because you cannot fix a problem you refuse to see.